Oh Happy Day!

The past few days have been amazing. It has been getting warmer and the Sun has been shining! Oh how I love the sunshine! Today it is suppose to be Sunny and the high of 66! I am thrilled. Spring must be coming soon!

Some of the children have been doing their schoolwork outside. They just can't get enough of this weather either! They have been working hard at getting everything done so that they can spend the rest of the day outside playing. This is a win-win situation for all of us!

You would think it was Summer here with these kids wearing shorts and sandals and some are even barefoot!  Even as I am typing this, the clouds are moving in. There is a chance of rain tomorrow and by the weekend it is suppose to be a bit cooler! It was fun while it lasted, but Spring can't be too far away!

This morning I took my son Josh to get his braces off. He was more than ready! We have been through  a lot with Josh and his braces. They actually removed his braces several months ago. After seeing his teeth with the braces off I was not happy with the results.  They ended up putting the top braces back on. This ortho kept saying just a few more weeks. He kept wanting to schedule the removal of the braces but I kept seeing something I thought needed to be fixed. He always agreed with me and told me I had a good eye. Well, he is the orthodontist so why doesn't he have a good eye?  Josh does not seem to even care. Well after spending that much money, I care a lot!

 Josh Before:

Josh After:

Josh  does not often cooperate with getting his picture taken, so this is the best I have!

Nothing really new here. I am better now, but just can't quite seem to shake this run down feeling. I am hoping that getting some sunshine will help that a bit.

Lately it seems as though I feel like I am going backwards on my journey of grief after losing Faith. I miss her so much and have been reliving the painful memories. The times like when we learned of her hypoplastic left heart, the night we found out there was no heartbeat, and the day she was born.  It can be truly painful remembering these times. God has been faithful to carry us through, to bring us comfort and healing. I lean on Him now as I am going through this phase of grieving. I know He will see me through and I look forward to being on the other side.

I have participated in Walking With You hosted by Kelly Gerken from Sufficient Grace Ministries for a while. Right now they are going through the Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible Study.  I am reading along with them and reading each of their posts. I am struggling to find the time to put my thoughts together to post each week on this study. I have found it helpful though to read the study and the other ladies posts. If you are a Mother that has lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death I encourage you to read along. You can download this study for free from the link above. The Walking With You posts can be found here.

Have an Awesome Day!

 

Walking With You ~ Things People Say

Walking With You was created by Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more.

This week we are sharing some of the things that people said to us while we were in the throws of grief...for better or for worse.

When I had my miscarriages and when I lost Faith I was hurt by some of the things people had to say. I realize they meant well, but I felt as though they really didn't think through what they actually had said.

"It was for the best" or "God needed another Angel" or "At least you have other children."

OK, Why was it for the best? What exactly does that mean or what does that imply? I trust God for his plan for my life, and I want his best, but saying that "it was for the best" is just not comforting.

The statement that "God needed another angel" does not sit right with me either. First of all I needed her. I have felt immense pain from losing her. She has been gone over 9 months now, but she is still always on my mind. I also know that she is not an angel in Heaven. God never said that humans would turn into angels. She is is Heaven with Jesus safe in his arms, but she is not an angel.

Yes, I do have other living children, but that does not make it easier. This baby was wanted so very much also. She was loved, we were expecting her arrival. Don't take me wrong, I am extremely Thankful that God gave me 10 children to bring home and love. I don't want to take that for granted at all, but please don't try to comfort me by saying that I have other children.

I know that I have found it awkward to try to comfort someone while they were grieving. To be plain honest I have found it quite uncomfortable. After losing Faith, I believe that I feel a little bit better about this. I know that a hug goes a long way. I have learned just be a good friend. You don't have to have any magic words to say. Cards to say that you are thinking about the person, that you are praying for them mean a whole lot.

Other than my husband and my children, I have received the most support from my bloggy friends, most of whom have experienced loss also. Most others do not realize that the grief continues. It seems that once you have a funeral and a burial that, that is it, it's over. Well, it has really just begun. They are afraid to talk about her or ask me how I am doing. It seems to me that I am supposed to be over this and forget about it.

Let me tell you, I will never forget about Faith. She is a part of me, she always will be. I longed to hold her in my arms. I got to hold her, but her body was limp. It was so heart breaking because when she was born, there was no life.

I had numerous ultrasounds when she was alive. I saw her moving around, I saw her sweet little face. One of the last ultrasounds I had, the tech mentioned her sweet little lips. She definitely looked like one of my babies.

Yes, the pain is not as raw now, but my heart still aches for my baby. I should have a nine month old, instead of a grave marker.

Next time you encounter someone who is grieving, please be careful with your words, but do love on them and let them know you are praying for them.

I enjoyed Holly's post on this subject and recommend you go and read it also. She shares some do's and don'ts for providing support. Please go to Holly's blog and read her post.

God is good and he knows what he is doing. I trust him with my life. I do not always like what he chooses, but I trust him. I am Thankful for all that he has done in my life. I could not imagine life without him. He has been right beside me along the way.

Blessings,

 

Walking With You ~ Sibling Grief / The Next Pregnancy

Walking With You was created by Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more.

This week, we are sharing about the effect our loss(es) had on our children. If you did not have children at the time of your loss, we are also sharing about subsequent pregnancies (after the loss). If you have not had a pregnancy following the loss, yet, you may share your feelings about facing your next pregnancy.

Grieving as a parent is hard enough in itself. It takes a lot of your time and energy. When you add 10 children that are grieving it can be quite stressful. After we lost Faith it seemed that suddenly there was a bit more tension in our house.

In the very early days I could hardly deal with my own grief, let alone the grief of my children. I did, however, want to be open with them and talk about it whenever they wanted.

One of the first days at home my three year old son was sitting on my lap and asked me “Why did your baby die?” I was kind of taken off guard and burst into tears. My seven year old daughter said “now look what you have done!” I told her it was OK and I wanted to talk about it.

The three year old (now four year old) has talked about Faith quite a bit. He was looking forward to having a baby sister. Sometimes when he sees other people with babies he tells them his baby died. I am thrilled that he wants to talk about it. We talk about Faith being in Heaven with Jesus. There is something so precious about the innocence of a young child.

The other children age 11 and younger have talked a little about Faith, but they seem a little shy about it. I could tell that they too were grieving in their own way. One thing I know is that my children have always loved adding a new sibling to the family. There were so excited to meet Faith. This was a huge disappointment to them.

It seems as though losing Faith really hit my seven year old daughter quite a bit. She does not have a baby sister and she wanted this baby to be a girl so bad. Right after the memorial service she just sat and cried. It really broke my heart.

This picture always brings tears to my eyes.

I know that the older children have been grieving in their own way. They have occasionally asked me questions about Faith. They were pretty shaken up over her death. They just found ways to keep busy and for the most part keep their minds off of it.

Then there is the subject of having another baby. First I would like to say that I am open to that idea. I am now 45 so that would definitely be up to the Lord. I know that he can make that happen if that is his plan. I would be so happy if that happened, but I am learning to trust God to help me be content with whatever he has in store.

My doctor is on my side. She would love for me to have another baby so that I could end my childbearing years on a happy note. It is so refreshing having a doctor that is so positive about life. She has definitely been a blessing in my life!

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Blessings,

 

Walking With You ~ The Ripples Flow to Our Marriage

Walking With You was created by Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more.. This week, we are sharing the impact our loss(es) had on our marriage.

Sorry I missed last week, I was out of town visiting family. Between being pretty busy and spotty Internet service, it was just too difficult to get out.

Mike and I had been married over 24 years when Faith passed away. We have been a through whole lot together. There have been a lot of ups and downs. Our marriage has seemed to have it's ups and downs also. We were Christians when we married, and we have been committed to see things through. Not to say there haven't been a few times in the heat of the moment that I was ready to run. That however is not my heart, just my response when things get really tough. Mike is Mr. Steady and more level headed.

After my first miscarriage I really didn't know how to grieve. I was pretty young, 22 years old. Mike didn't handle it well, and pretty much seemed to ignore it. Mike over the years has felt really bad about this and has apologized way too much. I completely forgive him. I became pregnant two months later and that helped in the healing department even though I was a bit nervous the first half of the pregnancy. This miscarriage was also my very first pregnancy.

My second miscarriage was after I had 3 successful pregnancies. This time it hit me hard. I was a bit older and after experiencing having babies, I think I was more aware of my loss. I also believe that I was grieving for my first loss. I felt like I wanted to withdraw from the world. There was a little tension between Mike and I . It was mostly me though, I just didn't want to deal with it. I must give Mike a great deal of credit here because he was concerned for me and tried very hard to reach out to me. Again I became pregnant quickly so that seemed to help with the healing process.

When we lost Faith we had already been dealing with a great deal of stress. Having 10 living children ranging in age from 22 down to 3 is challenging in itself. Mike and I had thrown ourselves into our children's lives and didn't leave much for ourselves. We were starting to slowly grow apart. We were committed to our family and each other, but we were not as close in our relationship as we had been. The added stress of finding out that Faith had a serious heart condition certainly didn't help. We did however share our Faith in God and we trusted him with Faith's life. We were clinging to God to see us through.

The good news is that since losing Faith, our relationship has grown so much. God has definitely been working in our lives. We both were so brokenhearted that we needed each other. We needed our Heavenly Father in way that we have never experienced before.

I do believe that men and women generally grieve differently. As the mother who carried this child inside of me there is a closeness that is like no other. The Father shares a special bond too, but I believe that they often try to be the strong one, and be the one to try to "fix" the situation.

In the early days I would break out into tears, and Mike would put his arms around me and hold me. Most of the time that is all I needed. He would always ask me if he could do anything. Usually I just wanted him to hold me, sometimes I would want to talk things through. He has been here for me from day one and I am so grateful for him.

It has been over 9 months now since Faith has been gone. Our relationship is growing everyday. We are committed to God and each other, but now we are committed to working on making our relationship grow closer. It is so important to work on. Make it a priority. Yes we still have our share of stress, but we are trusting God in all things.

If I could offer a word of advice to anyone dealing with losing a child or dealing with any hardship really, is to have God on your side. Ask him to help you and give you the strength to do what is required of you. Make your relationship with God your first priority and then your relationship with your spouse next. I really don't know how anyone makes it through the trials of life without God in their life. He has always been there for me even when I have chosen to ignore him. I have to give him all the glory for anything good that has come from my life!

Blessings,