Sunday, August 9, 2009

Walking With You ~ Sibling Grief / The Next Pregnancy

Walking With You was created by Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more.

This week, we are sharing about the effect our loss(es) had on our children. If you did not have children at the time of your loss, we are also sharing about subsequent pregnancies (after the loss). If you have not had a pregnancy following the loss, yet, you may share your feelings about facing your next pregnancy.

Grieving as a parent is hard enough in itself. It takes a lot of your time and energy. When you add 10 children that are grieving it can be quite stressful. After we lost Faith it seemed that suddenly there was a bit more tension in our house.

In the very early days I could hardly deal with my own grief, let alone the grief of my children. I did, however, want to be open with them and talk about it whenever they wanted.

One of the first days at home my three year old son was sitting on my lap and asked me “Why did your baby die?” I was kind of taken off guard and burst into tears. My seven year old daughter said “now look what you have done!” I told her it was OK and I wanted to talk about it.

The three year old (now four year old) has talked about Faith quite a bit. He was looking forward to having a baby sister. Sometimes when he sees other people with babies he tells them his baby died. I am thrilled that he wants to talk about it. We talk about Faith being in Heaven with Jesus. There is something so precious about the innocence of a young child.

The other children age 11 and younger have talked a little about Faith, but they seem a little shy about it. I could tell that they too were grieving in their own way. One thing I know is that my children have always loved adding a new sibling to the family. There were so excited to meet Faith. This was a huge disappointment to them.

It seems as though losing Faith really hit my seven year old daughter quite a bit. She does not have a baby sister and she wanted this baby to be a girl so bad. Right after the memorial service she just sat and cried. It really broke my heart.

This picture always brings tears to my eyes.

I know that the older children have been grieving in their own way. They have occasionally asked me questions about Faith. They were pretty shaken up over her death. They just found ways to keep busy and for the most part keep their minds off of it.

Then there is the subject of having another baby. First I would like to say that I am open to that idea. I am now 45 so that would definitely be up to the Lord. I know that he can make that happen if that is his plan. I would be so happy if that happened, but I am learning to trust God to help me be content with whatever he has in store.

My doctor is on my side. She would love for me to have another baby so that I could end my childbearing years on a happy note. It is so refreshing having a doctor that is so positive about life. She has definitely been a blessing in my life!

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.




Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Oh Karen...that picture tugged at my heart...and the thought of so many grieving little hearts. Thank you for sharing this...I'm so glad you were able to join in again this week. And thank you for sharing the wonderful scriptures. Praying for you about the next steps on this journey...

Love to you...

Holly said...

It had to be overwhelming to deal with your own grief and the grief of all your children. It's very good to be open and talk about it with your children. The picture you shared is so emotional.

Candace said...

Oh I don't know what to say... Very emotional! I can only pray for peace for you and your children.From our family and our Faith, we will pray for you..

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Praying for you....a beautiful post....