Thursday, July 30, 2009

Walking With You ~ The Ripples Flow to Our Marriage

Walking With You was created by Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more.. This week, we are sharing the impact our loss(es) had on our marriage.

Sorry I missed last week, I was out of town visiting family. Between being pretty busy and spotty Internet service, it was just too difficult to get out.

Mike and I had been married over 24 years when Faith passed away. We have been a through whole lot together. There have been a lot of ups and downs. Our marriage has seemed to have it's ups and downs also. We were Christians when we married, and we have been committed to see things through. Not to say there haven't been a few times in the heat of the moment that I was ready to run. That however is not my heart, just my response when things get really tough. Mike is Mr. Steady and more level headed.

After my first miscarriage I really didn't know how to grieve. I was pretty young, 22 years old. Mike didn't handle it well, and pretty much seemed to ignore it. Mike over the years has felt really bad about this and has apologized way too much. I completely forgive him. I became pregnant two months later and that helped in the healing department even though I was a bit nervous the first half of the pregnancy. This miscarriage was also my very first pregnancy.

My second miscarriage was after I had 3 successful pregnancies. This time it hit me hard. I was a bit older and after experiencing having babies, I think I was more aware of my loss. I also believe that I was grieving for my first loss. I felt like I wanted to withdraw from the world. There was a little tension between Mike and I . It was mostly me though, I just didn't want to deal with it. I must give Mike a great deal of credit here because he was concerned for me and tried very hard to reach out to me. Again I became pregnant quickly so that seemed to help with the healing process.

When we lost Faith we had already been dealing with a great deal of stress. Having 10 living children ranging in age from 22 down to 3 is challenging in itself. Mike and I had thrown ourselves into our children's lives and didn't leave much for ourselves. We were starting to slowly grow apart. We were committed to our family and each other, but we were not as close in our relationship as we had been. The added stress of finding out that Faith had a serious heart condition certainly didn't help. We did however share our Faith in God and we trusted him with Faith's life. We were clinging to God to see us through.

The good news is that since losing Faith, our relationship has grown so much. God has definitely been working in our lives. We both were so brokenhearted that we needed each other. We needed our Heavenly Father in way that we have never experienced before.

I do believe that men and women generally grieve differently. As the mother who carried this child inside of me there is a closeness that is like no other. The Father shares a special bond too, but I believe that they often try to be the strong one, and be the one to try to "fix" the situation.

In the early days I would break out into tears, and Mike would put his arms around me and hold me. Most of the time that is all I needed. He would always ask me if he could do anything. Usually I just wanted him to hold me, sometimes I would want to talk things through. He has been here for me from day one and I am so grateful for him.

It has been over 9 months now since Faith has been gone. Our relationship is growing everyday. We are committed to God and each other, but now we are committed to working on making our relationship grow closer. It is so important to work on. Make it a priority. Yes we still have our share of stress, but we are trusting God in all things.

If I could offer a word of advice to anyone dealing with losing a child or dealing with any hardship really, is to have God on your side. Ask him to help you and give you the strength to do what is required of you. Make your relationship with God your first priority and then your relationship with your spouse next. I really don't know how anyone makes it through the trials of life without God in their life. He has always been there for me even when I have chosen to ignore him. I have to give him all the glory for anything good that has come from my life!




Holly said...

Havin God in your life definitely helps so much. A lot of times all I needed was a hug too. To me, that says a lot.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I cannot imagine walking throught this without the Lord, either. He has so carried us. I am with you that a hug says so much. Tim has held me through the valley of grief many times, both with the loss of our children and my mother. There is much comfort in the arms of the one we love.

Stephanie said...

Your story is so touching! Thank you for sharring it. You are so right about it being important to have a relationship with God and with your spouse to get through.

Oh- I am stopping by to say thank you for your sweet comment on my blog today. It was so great to have the extra encouragement today.

Barb said...

Thank you for sharing your story!

I also want to thank you for stopping by my blog before and leaving a comment . . . it's been a little busy around here and I hadn't had time to go through the comments and read other people's blogs! I've enjoyed reading yours and Getting to Know You!


I am so sorry for your losses. I know the pain. Thank You for sharing your touching story. Your blog is so inspiring. You and your family are in my Thoughts and Prayers. Blessings,

Trennia said...

Just thought I would let you know you have a award on my blog.