Walking With You

Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace has started Walking with You to help support those who have lost a child. It is a place that we can share our stories about loss, any helpful information we have learned along the way, Scriptures that are meaningful to us, and any prayer request that we might have. I am excited as this group in getting underway. To have others that have been there and understand is quite important to me. If you have experienced a loss of a child please join us, just click on the button above.

My first loss was my very first pregnancy. I was 21 years old and we had tried for 9 months to get pregnant. We finally had success with it ending in major disappointment. At 13 weeks I was at work and I started spotting. I called the doctors office and the "friendly" receptionist said that if I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do about it anyway. She did however tell me to come in the next morning. I was there first thing even before anyone unlocked the door. My bladder was about to burst because they told me to drink lots of water for an ultrasound. The doctor showed up and opened the door, He told me just to let a little out. Yeah Right!

He proceeded to do the ultrasound and said that there was not a heartbeat. He gave me the option of having a D&C or wait it out. We didn't know what to do, so we went home to think about it. During the middle of the night I started passing large pieces of tissue. The doctor had me come in the next morning and he did a D&C in his office. It was one of the most difficult things I have experienced . If you have to have a D&C ,I recommend that you have medication to make you loopy or knocked out and for pain.

My second loss was when our third child was about 8 months old. We had become surprisingly pregnant when our son was just 6 months old. I had not been to the doctor yet for a checkup, but at 9 weeks I started bleeding. I went into the doctor's office and he examined me and said that I was passing tissue. He sent me to the hospital to get prepared for a D&C. Later he came and performed the procedure. At least this time I was given all the medication I needed! It was hard at losing another child. I actually felt that I did not grieve for my first miscarriage appropriately, so I believe I was grieving for both my miscarriages at the same time.

Our most recent loss happened in October 2008. At my 20 week ultrasound in July, they said they could not get a good view of the heart.They also said that the Nuchal Fold was measuring large. They sent me to a Perinatologist in which I could not get in until the following week. Needless to say I was a bit worried. I was trying to cast all my cares on the Lord, but I was really struggling.

At the Perinatologist Office we found that our daughter had Hypolpastic Left Heart Syndrome ( HLHS). We were told that she had a good chance at life, but would need Surgery soon after birth. Her total prognosis was not known, but we were given a lot of Hope. We endured the next few months of many appointments with the regular OB, the Perinatologist, and the Pediatric Cardiologist.

I went to Michigan to be prepared to have the baby, ( now known as Faith ). She was to be born in Michigan so that she could have the Surgery there. I went there on a Wednesday to have appointments on Thursday and Friday. We scheduled the c-section for a week away. I was just going to be monitored until then.

The appointments went fine and we saw our baby on the ultrasound, and she seemed to be doing well. On Sunday night I could not remember the last time I felt her move.We went on to the Hospital and that is when our World Came Crashing Down on us. We were told that she no longer had a heartbeat.

I was very upset and I remember screaming WHY? I do also remember knowing that God was going to get us through this, that he got us through some other difficult times in our lives. I am not going to say that it was easy, but I felt the prayers of many who were praying for us.

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Earlier that year I had started reading blogs about other Moms that had lost their babies for various reasons. Little did I know that I was going to walk down a similar path. I believe that reading those blogs helped prepare me for what I was going to experience. I am Thankful to have some of the knowledge I gained during that time. It is a great help to be able to hear others' stories, to hear their experiences and how they dealt with them.

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My prayer request is that I strongly have the desire to have another baby. Yes, even though I will soon be 45. Yes, even though that I have 10 living children. I really desire to have one more and to finish my child bearing years on a positive note. I love babies and would have many, many more if I could. But my prayer request is to have one more healthy pregnancy and baby. I know that medically speaking that I am an old lady! I also know that with God All things are possible! If this is not what he would have for us, then pray for my heart to be content and at peace.

Blessings,